Xi Jinping's authoritarian regime plans to turn Hainan into a free-trade port and says it will be sealed off soon. But who will run it?

Here's my suggestion: send these corrupt officials from Shangqiu, Henan:

From the police: Huang Jiheng, Tan Zhenqi, Jia Tao, Yang Jingtao, and Chen Xiaodong — ruthless characters who won't spare anyone and will cover for one another so nobody dares speak up.

Party affairs: Li Guosheng and Li Xiangyu — two crafty, seasoned operators who will mercilessly deal with anyone who disobeys, ensuring you hear no opposition.

Government administration: Bai Xiangyang — a first-rate coordinator who'll get along perfectly with those corrupt officials, be in cahoots with them, and guarantee nothing can be uncovered. He won't cause you any trouble.

Finally, you — the great dictator — can preside over the whole thing and look across China: who would dare utter a single word of dissent?